Rabbi Howard Morrison

Dear Congregational Family,

Many years ago, a colleague of mine wrote a book entitled, "How to forgive when you cannot forget." My friend utilized the opening of this week's Parsha of Vayigash and applied it to every day life.

In the opening verses, Judah emerges as the leader of his brothers and approaches the Viceroy of Egypt in an honest manner. In response, the Viceroy reveals himself as Joseph to his brothers, now many years after they had sold him to passersby heading to Egypt. Joseph and his brothers became reconciled, and Joseph forgives his brothers for what they had done to him.

Forgiveness and forgetting are not the same thing. Certainly, Joseph would never forget what his brothers did to him. Forgiveness comes as a result of contrition from those who have wronged you. Ultimately, forgiveness is about removing a heavy weight from your own shoulder, so that you can move on with better mental health. Joseph's revelation of his true identity enabled him to emotionally breathe and once again establish a meaningful relationship with his family.

Genuine forgiveness is very difficult. No wonder we have a High Holy Day period about it. No wonder we pray to God for divine forgiveness in every weekday Amidah. If we are contrite in asking God to  forgive us, can we do no less when someone who has wronged us approaches us with contrition?

So many people refuse to forgive because they cannot ever forget how they were hurt. However, forgiveness, when achievable, is really a self-help mechanism. It is possible to forgive when you cannot forget. This is the great lesson of Joseph and his brothers in this week's Torah lesson.

Rabbi Howard Morrison